Just Like Mama Said.

I'm sure that roughly 94 percent of you have seen the- ahem- "Things" That "People" Say memes ad nauseum (a la White People, Girls, New Yorkers, Farm Animals, etc.. etc., etc.). For the uninitiated, it's basically a collection of generally amusing and stereotypical catchphrases perpetuated by a really, really specific group of people- all for the purpose of having that select group chuckle at their own foibles ("Oh, ho- that's me, all right!)

So far, I've identified with two.

And, while I'm sure it's been done- perhaps even better- I've decided to try my hand at my own list. Feel free to comment with your own additions. For there are thousands upon thousands of items to be added. So, without further ado...ahem...

Shiz Moms Say To Other Moms

-Oh, we're entirely BPA-free.
-We also only own wooden toys.
-He doesn't sleep through the night yet?
-She still uses a pacifier?
-A bottle?
-A diaper?
-A booster seat?
-You think you're tired now? Try having two.
-Three.
-Four.
-Multiples.
-School-aged kids.
-Oh, is that organic?
-I'm surprised you let her drink juice.
-Cow's milk.
-Tap water.
-You let them eat meat?
-Sugar?
-Carbs?
-My son eats everything.
-She has never even seen a chicken nugget.
-Enjoy it now. This is the easy age.
-She's strictly breastfed.
-You couldn't pay me to breastfeed.
-Where does she go to school?
-Did she start at two?
-Is it Waldorf?
-How much a semester?
-You are so lucky to stay home all day.
(-You are so lucky to get to leave the house all day.)
-You're pretty lax on the TV thing, aren't you?
-We only listen to NPR.
-This isn't our usual park.
-We're late for Music Together.
-Gymboree.
-Fairytale Ballet.
-Oh, he can count to twenty in German.
-She walked at seven months.
-He's actually pretty advanced for three.
-Our nanny is teaching the kids Mandarin.
-Our nanny is getting her PhD in Early Childhood Education.
-Our nanny is sick again.
-He was named after my favorite French opera.
-A Viennese art critic.
-A bus stop in Madrid.
-What percentile is she?
-Are you concerned about her weight?
-Height?
-Thumb-sucking?
-Well, if your doctor isn't worried, then I wouldn't be either.
(-You'll see.)

Who would SAY that to you?!

Can't Put That In A Trapper-Keeper, Though.

Do the Wonder Pets have
 a Twitter account?

I have finally- finally- figured out what to do with the darned playroom.

I realize that this is of little consequence to anyone not spending nearly ten hours a day in, on, or around this room (a narrow li'l group, to be sure)...but for those of us who are, well, it's just fantastic news.

The baby swing is no longer randomly against a wall, smacking into an exersaucer and/or a train table. (Swing- rattle- swing- choo, choo!, etc., etc. No longer.) It is possible to enter the guest room/P.J.'s office without tripping over an impossibly small set of table and chairs- although I make no promises about the rocking horse on the other side of the wall. (Sorry, Peej.) The couch is now centered with the TV- an issue that was formerly (and apparently) driving one of us to the point of insanity. (Sorry, Peej.) A new focal point is a streamlined corner with neat cabinets and a gigantic pink dollhouse bookcase. (...Sorry, Peej.)

All of this Feng Shui correctness (how do you know when it's "correct?" Easy- your mind will allow you to sit down and stop rearranging the damn room) freed up my time enough to let me ponder the ol' days.

Remember when you actually had to write a fan letter to get a superstar to respond to you? (You're looking at the proud owner of, among other things, a complete set of autographed Mickey Mouse Club cast postcards, circa 1991.)

You'd write the letter, usually posting it to an address that you found in a fanclub section of Teen Beat.

For example.

You'd write the floweriest, wittiest, coolest prose that- you were certain- would rocket you to best friendship with Jonathan Brandis.

For example.

And then, roughly three months later, you'd get a form letter response with a signature (or, at worst, a stamped "signature") which would cement the idea of how fantastic that celeb was. ("Keep on watchin'!" I WILL!)

But now? We've got Twitter. And I imagine that waiting to be re-tweeted by a celeb is akin to waiting by the mailbox for a response, or not making after-school plans in case your letter is read on the air by The Mickey Mouse Club.

For example.

I have never been re-tweeted by a celeb. But I can take the credit for- quite possibly- prompting Rainn Wilson to change his Twitter account's avatar. Early yesterday morning, upon seeing the image of a young Newt Gingrich mashed up against The Office's Dwight Schrute, I was inspired to pen a [witty? flowery?] tweet to Mr. Wilson himself, asking if he'd seen the magical picture.

No response.

However.

Not too long thereafter, his picture was changed to that of a young Newt Gingrich. His fans began tweeting and re-tweeting about the crazy awesome picture that he had selected.

And I realize that the picture itself is old news, as the image in question had already made its rounds from Facebook to The Daily Show.

But I may have been instrumental in inspiring a photo change for one of my favorite actors on one of my favorite shows.

Sure, it's no Thanks for the love! from J.C. Chasez...

...But I'll take it.

Sisterly Love Is So Fleeting.

She loves me!

...She loves me not.

Snow White (As Performed By Professor T.J. Barker's Troupe Of Theatricals).

We all know the story of Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs. But how about the story of Snow White as told by Professor T.J. Barker's Troupe Of Theatricals?

Pre-show craft before every show!

That's right. Betcha didn't know that one.

Nora and I saw Emerald City Theatre's sweet production (written and directed by Producing Artistic Director Ernie Nolan) this past Saturday- and I can honestly say that not only will the kiddos will love it, but the adults will find it a refreshing spin on a story read over and over (...and over...and over...) again.

Every Emerald City show has a Gateway Theme, and this production features problem solving. T.J. Barker and his troupe have arrived from far flung lands (like Iowa) to our fair city of Chicago...only they're missing five dwarfs and the entire orchestra section. But, since his troupe has never cancelled a performance- and they don't intend to start now- they're gonna make it work.

Some of the dwarfs will be played by puppets.
The stage manager gets her moment in the spotlight.
Instruments will be strummed and drummed by the troupe.
Snow White...plays the triangle.

There's some really clever storytelling and play-within-a-play action going on; one of my favorite moments occurred when Queen Malvina paused her horrifying laugh to commend her son, a troupe member who was playing ominous music behind her. (She wondered how he had gotten so good.)

But where's the LAMB?

There was some positively terrific puppetry going on as well; Nora's favorite was the gentle and kindly lamb who helps Snow White. The thing was bigger than most cast members, and Nora was certain she was the star of the show. (She asked if she could get her autograph after the show. Sadly, she could not.)

Other highlights:

-The echo-y and ominous mirror (he of "On The Wall" fame) was a neat bit of light and sound. Nora alternated between demanding that he go away (and lights come back on, please), and immediately missing him and questioning his return once those scenes ended. (The mark of good theatre.)

-The vaudevillian sounds, physicality, and interludes between troupe players and Snow White performers. We both really liked all the music, although my city girl heard a slide whistle and knowingly whispered, "There's a siren here."

-The fact that it's an hour long. Because seriously. I love my daughter. A ton. But if I have to make sure she sits still for longer than that, it better come with meal service and an in-flight movie.

That said, she was riveted.

And honestly? So was I.

***

The Deets:
Snow White As Performed By T.J. Barker's Troupe Of Theatricals
Runs January 21- May 20, 2012
Apollo Theatre, 2540 N. Lincoln Ave, Chicago
Tix starting at $13 for kids and $16 for adults
Rec'd for ages 3 and up (or pretty awesome 2 year-olds)
***

Disclaimer: I've been compensated for my review, but opinions are my own.