Just like the Jim Croce song!

Today my 3.5 year old informed me that we couldn't play in the backyard because it was being "turtle-ized." What? TURTLEized. Sound it out- do you know what he meant?*

Ooh, this sounds like an Encyclopedia Brown chapter. I used to love those. Remember the suspenseful last sentence of each story? "Encyclopedia knew that she was lying. There was no way she could have made it across the backyard in her boots- WHAT GAVE IT AWAY?"

I loved the one where Leroy "Encyclopedia" Brown knew that the girl from down the block was snooping in his house; she tried to lie and say she was looking up a word in his dictionary. WHAT GAVE IT AWAY? Why, she said she was searching for the past tense of the word "missile" and found that it was "misled." Missile is a noun! Misled is NOT the past tense of missile, although it was a cleverly ironic word to blurt out.

Another keeper is the one where a girl pretends to be upset about a crime (that I cannot for the life of me recall- it was probably pretty awful) to clear herself of any suspicion. She cried to Encyclopedia and begged him for help. HOW COULD HE TELL SHE WAS A ROTTEN LIAR? (They never used that phrase, I'm pretty sure.) She had two tears running down her face, from the outside corners of her eyes. Tear ducts are in the inner corners, she must have used an eye dropper, Encyclopedia stated as the cops led her away. (Not really.) I always had a slight issue with this one as I've seen tears (on myself and others) that have flown from all directions away from the eye. I'm not saying we're a bunch of Charlie Brown criers, what with tears rainbowing up and out from a thrown back head or anything, but it's possible to utilize the full eye. Just saying. She may have been framed.

One that I did NOT like was the one with the wayward hitchhiker whom Encyclopedia and a pal asked for help in finding the pal's lost duck. The hitchhiker hadn't seen the pet but invited them to stay for the chicken that he had roasted over a campfire. Encyclopedia led his friend away quickly as he had seen something no one should ever have to see- WHAT HAD THE UNRELENTINGLY CREEPY MAN LET SLIP? The hitchhiker invited them to stay for chicken, but Encyclopedia only saw dark meat roasting. Like from a duck. I am still bothered by this. How long had the duck been missing? Long enough for someone to make a campfire, get it to a suitable heat, find a duck, kill a duck and get rid of any evidence that might look like a duck had been around? And where the heck did this all go down, a nearby forest preserve?

Bothered, I tell you.

*Fertilized. But you probably figured that out by the time I said "Encyclopedia Brown," didn't you? Unless you're like a ten-year old me who was always too afraid to flip to the back to read the answers. You know, in case something jumps out at you with a knife or an angry turn of phrase. (I was a sensitive youth, right Mom?)