Who couldn't use some hot club moves?

It struck me this morning that I owe it to my friends and family to review "Core Rhythms," the aforementioned "borrowed" workout files. It promises to help you lose four inches in SIX DAYS. Impressive, but is it fun? (Trying to lift a cast iron stove for six days will burn pounds too, but it's a one-way ticket to a herniated disc. I don't even know what that means, I just heard Kat say it once. The disc part, I mean. I know what a cast iron stove means. Or does.)

Jaana and Julia, Latin and ballroom dance champs with a gazillion titles between them, have created these DVDs to help people "get a dancer's body." Inspiring, though less than realistic. I'm 5'4 and will never carry the mantle of "legginess." Why am putting everything in quotes today? I've already done it four times and am showing no signs of slowing.

I think these ladies look like Sims. The technicolor outfits with grommeted belts aren't helping. (Also- why grommets? That seems unsafe to me in a workout setting.)

Let's begin. I'll try to jot down things as they occur, giving me a nice break from actually "working out."

Okay, I realize that Jaana is supposed to look kinda "street" with her b-ball bouncing hands...but truly, it's coming off a bit Henson. As in Grover and Bert. (Remember when Bert danced to "Doin' the Pigeon?" Like that.)

I've just now realized that the huge torso on the screen behind them is, in fact, not in real time. But not only is it prerecorded, it's also a half second off. I am trying to follow an inaccurate torso! And wait...that's Julia's sports bra on the screen. But...but...the belly button has a ring! Julia doesn't have a belly ring...but JAANA DOES. Oh my God, are you guys sharing workout clothes?

Oh, now we're drumming in the air. To the side! To the other side! Oh no, we're drumming low and around. This feels like a drum circle. I hate drum circles. I am reminded strongly of hall parties at Hampshire College and I am not enjoying this at all.

Julia just let out the highest-pitched squeal I've ever heard, due to, you know, the intensity of the hip flicks. It unnerved me a little (I don't like yelling in public places- I have a fear of confrontation) but not as much as the LOOK that just passed between Jaana and Julia. Jaana just sent the most indulgent smile Julia's way and they totally just had a look of...something. (Are you guys lovers? You can totally tell me.) It's like when you find out that two teachers at your high school are dating. It's not outside the realm of your comprehension that they CAN date, it's just not something you'd ever think about.

Now we're doing Julia's favorite move- I'm gonna go ahead and call it the Electrocuted Starfish. "Do you see why it's my favorite move?" Not really. I think I just snapped my shoulder blade. Am I toned yet?

Now's a good time for a break.

No way...I just measured my waist and hips (weird to do at the workplace, but the bitsy baby is sleeping so it's not AS weird as it could be.) I started the DVDs on Monday, did the full workout that day and Tuesday, did a 15-minute whatever bloggy workout just now...and I've lost an inch on both waist AND hips. Uh, is this witchcraft? I've literally exuded no effort greater than running to the train. I'm so sorry, Jaana! Forgive me, Julia! You are truly great!

I'm sold. (On my free software.) I'm gonna do this AT LEAST once a week. Maybe. Who's with me? Now, if we can only get a better soundtrack. I can't jive to canned mambo/techno-lite muzak. Maybe some Boston? That'd get me up to a solid twice a week. Maybe.