Yes, I realize it's Monday. No, I'm not confused (about the day.) I've decided to go forth and blog TWICE A WEEK.
AT LEAST FOR THIS WEEK!
We'll see if I can go, say, for two weeks. I dream big.
It turns out, I have waaay more questions than can be asked in a once-weekly posting. Such as:
Why, oh why is the most common email or chat smiley the wink? Why do we do this? WHEN was the last time you actually WINKED at someone? Think about it.
I'll wait.
You haven't. Do you know why? It's because the wink is slightly smarmy and more than a little creepy. Think I'm wrong? The next time you say something slightly jokey or sarcastic to a friend...wink at them.
"Hey Peej- you like that pb&j I made you for lunch?"
"Yeah, it was a good sandwich, thanks."
"Glad you liked it- you're eating it all week!!" *WINK*
"You okay, Keely?"
"Sure am! Nothing a little pb&j couldn't fix!!" *WINK*
Totally weird.
Also- and this is NOT an inflammatory 'how could you ask that about vegans' comment, I truly do not know: Do vegans breastfeed?
I'll let you think about that one for a sec, too.
I am not ashamed to admit that I do not know the answer to this one. I have an entered a No Embarrassment phase of my life (see: Michael Bolton post). Can you help me out? Are vegans anti ANY sort of mammal product or byproduct? I mean, I can't imagine they're against animals out in nature feeding their young. That would be ridiculous. And nearly impossible to enforce!
Thirdly, why do pre-teen girls (yeah, that's what it was called when I was 12- we didn't have this tween nonsense) waste all this time and energy on beauty rituals they will have no time when they actually need it? When I was in middle school, my friends and I spent DAYS putting mayo in our hair (excellent conditioner), putting masks and scrubs on nearly baby-smooth skin and indulging in twice-weekly pedicures. It was good practice, we told ourselves. We were going to be gorgeous WOMEN someday!
I should have spent that time learning Chinese or trying to pass pre-Algebra (for the third time). When's the last time you gave yourself any sort of at-home treatment that took more than five minutes? I currently possess chipped nails, sad-looking skin and split ends you could weave a basket with. Every now and then I rub the excess apricot oil from Nora's bath on my arms (sometimes with the baby as an applicator- hey, waste not, want not) and occasionally enjoy a facial steam as a serendipitous result of Nora's late night sickness-fighting shower steaming. But that is it.
I blame YM magazine for telling me that I needed all this. I blame YM for many things, actually. My mother eventually took away my subscription, which I DO NOT BLAME HER FOR AT ALL, once we realized it was a little racy for a twelve-year old; especially a twelve-year old who played with porcelain dolls for WAY longer than was age appropriate. What business did I have learning how to drive 'him' wild? (I still don't know how to drive anyone 'wild'. But, as a married gal with a mortgage and a newborn, perhaps that ship has sailed?)
And final question: who the heck ARE all you people? According to Blogger, you hail from Canada, India, Spain, Italy, New Zealand, Australia, Belgium and locales I am afraid I'll typo and thusly embarrass myself. I can guess at some of the cities: I went to college with half of Los Angeles and NYC, apparently (is it cool to say I'm "big" in L.A. and NYC? Yes? I will anyway) and am related to and/or spent my childhood with the majority of the Boston and Berkshire County following. But who do I know in Waterloo?! (Hi!)
Or maybe you're one of the folks who found me by Google-searching about the kid who played Duck Lips on Full House? (That was YEARS ago, people, I posted about that on a DIFFERENT BLOG!) But it'll probably pop back up on here now. Also, to those of you who found me by searching various disgusting "medical" techniques- have I helped?
I think you should let me know how you got here. It's important for me to understand my demographic. That way I can keep the stories of diaper fails, Michael Bolton and improperly-placed furniture at a minimum. Or at a maximum! If that's what you dig! So, uh, keep in touch.
Except for the guy who got here by researching "roadkill" and "puppets."
I think we should just agree to disagree.
10 comments:
I'm telling you, to build your viewership, just put Nebraska Football in the post title. Try it. You'll see.
Dammit, woman, roadkill puppetry is a cherished Heritage Art Form, and I am disheartened by your stigmatization of its proud tradition.
Everything I learned about women I learned from Say Anything in YM.
I think I was nearing 12 before I got my porcelain dolls.
I'm happy to play barbie with my daughter. She makes it socially acceptable.
I follow your blog now and have no idea how I originally found it. Now you can't get rid of me.
I actually winked at a woman at work today. She and I were both training and we had hit a wall.. then got it.. wink wink.. back and forth. I knew what she meant. a nod is as good as a wink.. as you may know ;)
Hee. Yep, vegans breastfeed. The reasoning behind not drinking milk is a) animals are treated badly for their milk and b) we are not meant to drink the milk of another species, so as long as you're not feeling exploited, using your own milk to feed your baby is fine. It's what it's for. ;)
(See what I did there? I don't think I've ever winked while talking about breastmilk before.)
Oh my goodness, thank you Ellie!!
And I apologize for the roadkill artform slight, Walt.
Go Nebraska!!
(I think I've broken new ground on putting together sentences with this one.)
I'm here cause I like you and I'm your friend. :) (that's a full on smile, no winking) Our babies are going to get married someday. They already try to hold hands and Elijah grins like a madman. I will now be using the "I felt exploited by my own baby"excuse for why I pumped instead of let Eli actually nurse at the source.
It's so true. I've seen their Emo band photo.
And I think I've found my new excuse for so, so many things.
it's possible that i'm the india visitor. i'm fairly certain i checked your blog a couple times when i was there in 2008.
(if you have many readers from india, lets go ahead and assume i'm the one responsible for spreading your gospel on the subcontinent.)
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