Don't trust that smile.

Nora and I just returned from her nine month checkup and I'm happy to report that she is indeed growing. And moving. And hitting milestones- in fact, she's knocking 'em over like a sprinter catching his track shoes on a series of hurdles. Which, you know, isn't usually a positive metaphor, but one that kept popping into my head. Kick, thwack, karate chop. Milestones.

She's still in the 10-25th percentile for height and head size (yay, consistent brains!) and solidly in the 5-10th for weight. But someone has to be, right? Or there wouldn't be a "percentile" based on "100." And, as my doctor asked incredulously, "she's a mover, isn't she?" And she has close to five teeth. And says Mama, Da, Bean, Dis, Dat, Hidere (hi there), Yeah, Yay...and she meows. The doctor also said that she'd begin standing and cruising soon (you know, like her Dad does) and would tentatively begin to let go of surfaces. Which she's been doing for a month.

My daughter= surpassing my personal record of walking at 17 months and actually doing non-bloblike things before then. (Go forth, my child...)

And then the doc said he'd see us in three months. For her one year checkup. And I- inexplicably but kinda predictably- began to well up. A YEAR?? Look, Buster, I carried her for close to four years and I know for a fact that her three day checkup was last week...so I don't know what this "one year" business is. I demand a recount.

Of course, before I get too schmaltzy and sentimental, I need to remind myself that just two days ago I was crying for a completely different reason.

It involved our return flight from Boston, a.k.a. the inevitable cosmic backlash from the hubris of the previous flight. Of course, I didn't see this coming at all. She napped exceptionally well that day. Ate dinner in the airport food court. Smiled and waved at random people. Crawled around and got all tuckered out. Then we got on the plane.

Here's how it went down:
-Random businessman told me how cute she was. I preened and admitted that she was the easiest baby, ever.
-His colleague stated that he'd never seen a baby this young with brown eyes already. I kept it in.
-Getting to our window seat, we played happily. (Nora and myself. Not the businessmen.) For ten minutes.
-She started to get fussy so I tried to nurse her.
-She dozed off for five minutes right after takeoff and I- stupidly- took out a book to read.
-Waking in a panicked and psychotic rage, she ripped the blanket from my shoulder, exposing my entire chestal areas for the first time on this particular flight.
-I tried- stupidly- to calm her down. She noted her displeasure at my attempts.
-I tried to walk her to the bathroom and bounce her a little.
-We got stuck behind the beverage cart. The. Whole. Way. Back.
-I used the bathroom. (Impressed? I know.) Nora was not. In fact, this is when she filed her formal complaint and checked out for the evening.
-Screeeeeeaaaaaamed the whole walk back. Got stuck behind attendants picking up the trash.
-Finished my drink. (Gingerale, sadly. I had a stomachache. Can you imagine why?)
-Nora helped this along by upending it on my book...and the woman in the middle seat. (She was kind. Also, she spoke no English. I don't know if this made it any better.)
-Tried to clean. With a magazine and what was left of my book. Apologized.
-Nora chewed on the soaked magazine and raged like a velociraptor when I pried the gummy pieces from her mouth.
-Took the Cheerios I had been carefully feeding her one at a time...and showered our entire row (and two rows back) with them. With big arms.
-She rubbed her eyes, so I- stupidly- assumed that she was tired. Tried to nurse her.
-She dozed off for five minutes. I closed my eyes.
-Opened them when she exposed me yet again in a freaked out angerfest, the likes of which have rarely been seen in such a contained space.
-I tried to distract with books, toys, a seemingly endless supply of snacks, and soggy reading materials on which to chomp. (I gave up- eat the paper, Nora. Go ahead.)
-She spent the rest of the three hour flight (and this was only 40 minutes in, mind you) shoving against me, shrieking with a purple face and wild eyes, and making the non-English-speaking couple next to me clutch hands and rethink their future.
-Watched as the woman sitting in front of me pushed the attendant button, only to shrug helplessly and gesture at me when the attendant showed up. Really? Really?
-Decided my apologetic and embarrassed (and super stressed) attitude had run its course, thanks to the passive aggressive behavior in row 10.
-Wished her ill.
-Wished myself ill.
-Debated putting Nora out on the wing.
-Tried to nurse once more. It worked. Briefly. Remained unconcerned when I was- yet again- exposed.
-Left my boob like that for a few minutes. Because really, in terms of being viewed as an attractive being on this flight...well, I think that's safely in the past.
-Landed. Eventually. Somehow. Waited on the tarmac for twenty minutes for a completely random and as still unknown reason.
-Apologized and thanked my way off the plane. Heard the slightest bit of subtle applause.
-Handed a completely smiling and stoked baby to her father.
-Watched, bemused, as she conked out for a solid twelve hours.

...And marveled at my ability to be completely in love with this little beastie by 7am the next morning. Biology's a funny, funny thing.

I'm certain the rest of Flight 2281 would disagree.

But you can't beat that kinda free birth control.