Monday, October 15, 2012

Say It With Elastic Waist Jeans.

I have a new favorite advertisement. And it's for elastic jeans.
Let's begin.

As the ad so clearly states: That's Amazing!
Some of the text is mighty small, so I shall clarify. For starters, this pair of dungarees features the company's "most comfortable 360 degree stretch waist." That's right, we're not talking just a little stretch action by the zipper, no sir. You could comfortably invite a friend in there with you. (Maybe not so "comfortably" for your "friend"- but there'd be room enough for both of you, and that's my point.)

Secondly, these fine pants come in many washes; vintage grey, indigo, medium blue, light blue, and washed black. I, for one, would enjoy seeing a gentleman out on the town in his finest stretchy black jeans- washed or not. I'd say to myself- there's a guy who knows how to make the scene. Also? I'm pretty sure there's nothing "vintage" about these jeans. Your grandpappy would not know what to make of the 360 degree stretch. In fact, he'd be ashamed.

And I think we can all agree that this is a classic case of The Model Did Not Know For What His Picture Was To Be Used. Pretttty sure he would've had a slightly different expression on his face, had he known he would be shilling size 60 waist jeggings.

The company's mailing address is on Bargain Place. That, and the fact that they're offering two pairs for 29.99 (a ten dollar savings), inspires me to visit this magical place. Because you know they don't just stop at stretchy jeans. (There's a website on the bottom of the ad, but I'm terrified to click through. Terrified of the awesome. And terrified of P.J.'s reaction when I tell him he can't have a birthday present because I bought crazy things due to the inspiration of washed black elastic-waisted jeans. Have another cupcake!)

And they feature five pockets- which Peej thinks is impossible. (I assure him it is possible, because I was once a girl who possessed Z. Cavaricci jeans with loads of pockets...even though they only came in boring ol' distressed stonewash blue with nary an elastic. YAWN.)

Finally, the ad assures me that these jeans are "100 percent easy wash and wear." You know, compared to the relative difficulty of laundering my current pair of jeans. (Why is my denim so fragile to the touch?!)

Listen, it's my job to alert you fine folks to the veritable treasure-trove of Things You Can Buy On The Interwebs. (And business is good.) But don't thank me just yet.

Because, by the time of this posting, this company will be completely sold out of the washed black stretchies.

Early bird gets the solid brass zipper.

4 comments:

Melia said...

Wow 360 degree waist-now that's something to get excited about-too funny! I'd be curious to know what the shrink percentage is after a washer/dryer cycle....

Nat Thongchai said...

Z. Cavaricci 4 eva! ( http://www.inthe80s.com/clothes/zcavaricci.shtml )

I obviously had a black pair of pants..

Keely said...

@Melia- I mean, I'd assume since they touted the insane washability of these jeans, they'd be okie doke in the dryer too, right? Listen, if y'all want me buy a pair for you guys, I will. I'll do it.

@Nat- 4EVA eva!

Alison said...

Stretch waist band (360 degrees no less! And I don't even know what that actually means. As opposed to what, 180 degrees? And what does THAT mean? Clearly giving this too much thought) and denim?

Never thought I'd see the day.

(psst save me a pair in indigo!)