Thursday, March 21, 2013

3 Year Olds Have A Lot Of Ever-Changing Rules.

The Scene: Our kitchen table. Midday. 

(Nora -3- and Susannah -1- are sitting at the table and eating lunch, mostly without incident.)

Nora: Mom, let's play an imagination game.

(Keely has a brief moment where she imagine all of the creative, Montessori-like professionals giving her a high-five.)

Keely: Sure. What do you want to play?
Nora: Let's talk to each other. With our imaginations.
Keely: That sounds awesome. Can I start?

(Keely presses her fingers to her temples and grins at Nora. Nora looks utterly confused.)

Nora: No, Mommy, with our imaginations.

(Keely is crestfallen that her kid wasn't talking about telepathy. Nora rolls her eyes.)

Nora: I'll start, Mom.

(Keely waits. Nora stares at Keely, blankly. Susannah, mildly interested, watches as she mangles a sandwich.)

I have no idea what's going on, either.

Keely: Okay...?
Nora (angrily): NO. MOM. WITH OUR IMAGINATIONS.
Keely (with an accent): Has anyone seen my baby cat?
Nora: MOMMY.
Keely: I'm imagining that I'm calling my friend Nora on a banana phone-
Nora: Imagination Talking is quiet, Mom.

(Nora mimes locking her mouth and throwing away the key. Susannah- thrilled that she knows this one- also mimes locking her mouth and throwing away the key. Keely is confused, yet pleased that her daughter had been talking about telepathy. Keely patiently waits for Nora to do something besides stare at her with disappointment.)

Nora: Mom.
Keely: Can you help me with Imagination Talking, baby girl?
Nora (sighs): Let's just eat our lunch.

(Susannah nods and takes a bite.)

Aaaand scene

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Say It With Slacks.

It's officially Spring! Happy Spring, everyone!

Okay, fine, maybe not "weather-wise," but in terms of whimsical, breezy fashion? SPRING. 

For example:


Let's begin.

  • They are not only "slacks," but they are LADIES' SLACKS. 
  • These slacks require zero ironing. Which is good, because I couldn't tell you the timesuck that ironing my slacks has become.
  • No matter what circumstances are going down in your life, the elastic waistband of these beauties will not roll. Weeding azaleas, running from the fuzz, your waistband= solidly in place. Somewhere up there by your ribcage.
  • Two handy pockets! For your handies! (Compared to other slacks' pockets which aren't so useful?)
  • "Rich" "Miracle" "Polyester" are all words that they've used in the same sentence as "Fabric." 
  • A lifetime indelible crease. Frankly, that kind of staying power frightens me. 
  • The woman on the left has never before been out-of-doors. You can tell by the way she's holding her wrists and that one foot.
  • The woman on the right is a mobster's wife. I'm sorry, fanning out cash?
  • They are seven dollars a pair when you buy four pairs. Wait- just wait- they also do the math for you if you want to buy FIVE OR EVEN SIX PAIRS. So not only do they fully expect their clientele to wear these slacks every day of the week, they're also assuming you don't know what seven times however many pairs of slacks you need would be. There's no discount or anything. They're just letting you know they think you're rather slow. 


But exquisitely slack-ed. 

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

A Dream Playdate From Hyundai- A.K.A Get Me To The Beach.



So, today I have the opportunity for some awesomely lucky readers to win an invite to the wicked exclusive Hyundai Santa Fe's Epic Playdate Weekend in Santa Barbara, California. But first, here's my dream playdate with the gals:

It would start early- but not too early. (This is, after all, a "dream.") Maybe 8 or 9? Can we all agree on 8 or 9am? And it would be at the beach. Of course. But not a super trendy, crowded-with-hot-bodies-who-by-comparison-make-me-feel-badly-about-myself kinda beach. Nor would it be filled with tween boys who want to impress tween girls by kicking sand all over the place. No. Mine would be a quiet beach with a cove, a gentle tide, some nice areas to explore...and an ice cream truck. We'd bring a breakfast picnic, a snack picnic, a lunch picnic, another snack picnic, and a cooler of non-kid-friendly beverages. (Because all of my best friends and family members would be there with their kiddos, and I've seen them drink. Backup is key.)

A big ol' art project under some shady trees (because there's a wooded glen near my dream beach) would be the first order of the day- perhaps some sort of found object collage- and we'd paint and glue and get as messy as humanly possible. No one would tell anyone to wear a smock, and there'd be no talk at all of watching out for the floors and walls and cats. It would most likely end up being some sort of ornamentation for the world's most opulent sand castle-

...So next up would be the creations of the world's most opulent sand castle. We're talking turrets and balconies and moats and- yeah- even a sand dragon. Then we'd swim and float and pose like mermaids, stopping occasionally to gather the perfect shell or heart-shaped rock, and then dry off to eat one of our multitude of picnics. We would read under cavernous umbrellas. And we'd nap. (Taking turns amongst the adults, obviously, to make sure toddlers didn't wander off or fall into the castle moat.) We'd wake up just in time to catch the beginning of a beach concert (a kid-friendly hair metal 80's cover band- it'll be awesome) and dance and snack and dance some more. On our way home, we'd stop at the coolest- and safest- playground we'd ever seen; tire swings without chains that catch long ponytails, tall twisty slides, gargantuan hopscotch squares- and an ice cream truck.

And then we'd all fall asleep early and stay in bed until 8am the next morning. A girl can dream.


Now for the real deal: Hyundai's Epic Playdate Weekend may even be cooler than my snacky, beachy fantasy. On April 27th, an insanely fun day is planned from 9-5 in Santa Barbara; mammoth bloggers such as Dooce, Girl's Gone Child, and How To Be A Dad (to name just a few) are camping out on the beach and hosting ridic awesome workshops like kids' photography, paint fights, and ice cream sundae bars. You want to go, right?

Here's how:
1) Enter via my special-awesome link.
2) You must have a Pinterest account for this one. Full deets here.
3) When the form asks you how you heard about this crazy cool sweepstakes, select "Clever Girls Collective."

{Optional}

4) After you've won and attended this fabulous event, take your favorite blogger to a beach of her choosing and babysit her kids while she naps under a striped umbrella.

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls Collective, and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

Monday, March 18, 2013

The Evolution Of A Day's Outfit.


Night attire, obviously. Butterfly sundress, polka dot blouse, pink stretch pants, moose socks.

Midmorning play clothes (chosen by 17 month-old): A perfectly acceptable
cozy outfit, plus maroon tutu, plus bandanna, plus pink Red Sox cap.

Post-nap ladybug dress over striped pants, with the addition of at least one glitter flip flop.

Checking themselves out in the mirror- once Zuzu chose her own ladybug dress, obvie.

Ladybugs with flip flops. "We should really see if someone's outside, we look incredible."